you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
