So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
