i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
