So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
