i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
