am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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