this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
