You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
