My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
