I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
