I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
