We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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