I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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