i was born a porn star she said
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
