god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
