we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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