Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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