Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize