I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
