thus making me awesome and them whores
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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