I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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