woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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