she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I need moral support for this bender
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
