I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
