guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
well you can't waste a boner
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
