So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
