I accidentally burped into my bong.
i think i have two assholes
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
