Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
