:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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