just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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