we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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