he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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