I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
