if we break up, who will get the dealer?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Damn victory sex feels great
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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