They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
