I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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