he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
