Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
