I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
