why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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