Where is the hickey?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
