He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
