dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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