i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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