yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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