FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
