we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
