Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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