the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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