She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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