It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
