Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
