I think I died a long time ago.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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