Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
