Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
