haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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