i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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