Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
