i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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