I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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