Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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