I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
