just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
