I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Houston, we have a squirter
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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