as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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