***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
