sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
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