Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
