this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
