i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
