just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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