R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
