Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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