Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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